I confess... yesterday's soothing did not go as planned. In fact, it was like the minute I typed it up everything went awry. The kids fought, the hubbie was moody, and I felt sullen and grouchy. The laundry is still waiting for me and the book... well, I think I read about 3 sentences and then gave up. It's apparently not a book I can read right now.
The question is, do I put aside the book and pick a new one, so I can keep motivated and with my commitments or do I slog through it just on principle alone? I think, I will pick a new book (it's not like I don't have about 25 different books waiting in the wings for me to read-- and that's just the "Catholic Stash"). I'm not admitting defeat with this book, but recognizing that right now, there is too much going on for me to be able to sit and digest the information and apply it. I may still read a few pages, but I'm going to refocus my efforts on something that sits better with my schedule.
Speaking of schedule... I've come to recognize my own schedule as a challenge to my motivation. You see, there's too much on it and baseball season is right around the corner. Two kids playing at two different levels on opposite days means baseball daily and sometimes dance as well. It's time to get situated for the "long haul" that's ahead. I'll be giving up some things once spring hits on my own schedule in order to be more available to my family and cut down on stress.
Lucky for me, some of my stuff will be "wrapping up" in the near future. I've made a big decision to give up one activity for good. I've figured out that activity is not a good fit for me. I find myself anxious before and afterwards. Sometimes I feel hurt by the experience as well, which is a sure sign it's not a good fit. During a recent Bible Study group, I shared something with the group and saw my prayers for God to show me what direction to be going in my Faith answered. Unfortunately, due to the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" policy on personal sharing in Bible Study, I can't reveal any more details. I did see God affirming my decision to leave this commitment when my time is up and to move forward to something else.
The message here is... when you lack motivation and direction, prayer actually does work. I will say it doesn't work quickly, or rather in our desired time frame, but more slowly in God's timing. I've been praying the same prayer for guidance every Sunday for at least a year and a half. I can see now how clearly things lined up but at the time, I felt I was fumbling. In reality it was like walking on a tiny path through high grass. I could see directly in front of me and directly behind me, but not around me. Now I feel as though I've walked into a clearing on a small hill. I can see the path I've been along and thank goodness for the high grass to shield me from shying away. Now, I can see a clearer path before me just past some more high grass. I'm sure there's more fumbling along tiny paths ahead of me, but now I'm very willing to trust that this path is God's path and not mine.
While I feel a little discouraged right now with having to finish out things that my heart knows I'm done with-- I made a commitment to others that I need to honor. I also am seeing that there is something greater before me. Knowing there is greatness before me motivates me and make what I'm experiencing now much easier to go through.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Soothing Sunday: The Second Sunday in Lent
Following along with last week's theme of having a Soothing Sunday focused on God.... I'm working on it. It's been a crazy week and I need some soothing and focus back on my Lenten missions before going back to the "real world" tomorrow.
Presently, I'm goofing off a bit on the computer and watching the movie "Exodus" with my husband. It's one of my favorite movies. I first saw it in 8th grade social studies and the movie features Paul Newman (looking rather dreamy back in the 1960s) and is about the independence of Palestine from the British and becoming the Jewish state of Israel after World War II. I have also read the book by Leon Uris. It's a great story-- well done historical fiction. It's not exactly a movie in line with watching movies like The Passion of the Christ or The Greatest Story Ever Told. It does seem appropriate for Lent after all, Israel is the modern homeland of our Lord. It also is a modern example of the rule of a foreign power-- for me, it makes understanding Israel at the time of the Romans more understandable. I can understand the British Empire and modern Arabs and Israelis so much easier than the 2000+ years ago Roman Empire. Don't get me wrong, I'm not launching into some kind of Arab-Israeli debate or political tirade about occupation... I'm simply saying the events portrayed in Exodus are easier for me to grasp and make the events in The Greatest Story Ever Told more accessible.
None the less... once this movie is over, I've got some laundry and reading to do. I'm behind on my housekeeping because I worked and goofed off too much last week. I'm also behind on my Lenten commitment to get through some books with solid Catholic teaching or Church history. That's probably because I've picked up some big thick books that aren't easy to read. The content is rich with information and I find myself floundering at times about what some terms mean-- the trips to grab my Catholic dictionary are getting more frequent. My list of questions for my Confirmation sponsor and RCIA director is starting to grow.
The other hard thing is the reality of being distracted. You'd think that giving up Facebook and gaining time in my day (I'm more efficient not checking all the time to see if something is happening in the world...I'm accepting that somethings definitely happening and I'm out of the loop and that is okay!). In the evening, I find myself tired and in need of a "break." I've been justifying myself as not having been on Facebook so just a little computer game isn't too bad. Hah... hours later, I'm no less relaxed, it's late and I've not accomplished a thing. For someone who limits their children's game time, I'm doing a crap-tastic job of regulating myself.
So it seems, I have to give those up too. After all the spirit of a Lenten sacrifice is not to take something else and use it as a replacement. For example, if you gave up your evening glass of wine and instead drink a daiquiri each day, you've really not given anything up. So... is this soothing or more a diatribe on realizing why I have some make up work to do on this Soothing Sunday? I'm not sure, but maybe my experience will help you to stop and think about why you're not feeling so soothed lately. What commitments/replacements have you made when giving things up? I know I'm guilty of this myself, so I'm not accusing anyone. I'm simply examining my own conscience and found it lacking.
Presently, I'm goofing off a bit on the computer and watching the movie "Exodus" with my husband. It's one of my favorite movies. I first saw it in 8th grade social studies and the movie features Paul Newman (looking rather dreamy back in the 1960s) and is about the independence of Palestine from the British and becoming the Jewish state of Israel after World War II. I have also read the book by Leon Uris. It's a great story-- well done historical fiction. It's not exactly a movie in line with watching movies like The Passion of the Christ or The Greatest Story Ever Told. It does seem appropriate for Lent after all, Israel is the modern homeland of our Lord. It also is a modern example of the rule of a foreign power-- for me, it makes understanding Israel at the time of the Romans more understandable. I can understand the British Empire and modern Arabs and Israelis so much easier than the 2000+ years ago Roman Empire. Don't get me wrong, I'm not launching into some kind of Arab-Israeli debate or political tirade about occupation... I'm simply saying the events portrayed in Exodus are easier for me to grasp and make the events in The Greatest Story Ever Told more accessible.
None the less... once this movie is over, I've got some laundry and reading to do. I'm behind on my housekeeping because I worked and goofed off too much last week. I'm also behind on my Lenten commitment to get through some books with solid Catholic teaching or Church history. That's probably because I've picked up some big thick books that aren't easy to read. The content is rich with information and I find myself floundering at times about what some terms mean-- the trips to grab my Catholic dictionary are getting more frequent. My list of questions for my Confirmation sponsor and RCIA director is starting to grow.
The other hard thing is the reality of being distracted. You'd think that giving up Facebook and gaining time in my day (I'm more efficient not checking all the time to see if something is happening in the world...I'm accepting that somethings definitely happening and I'm out of the loop and that is okay!). In the evening, I find myself tired and in need of a "break." I've been justifying myself as not having been on Facebook so just a little computer game isn't too bad. Hah... hours later, I'm no less relaxed, it's late and I've not accomplished a thing. For someone who limits their children's game time, I'm doing a crap-tastic job of regulating myself.
So it seems, I have to give those up too. After all the spirit of a Lenten sacrifice is not to take something else and use it as a replacement. For example, if you gave up your evening glass of wine and instead drink a daiquiri each day, you've really not given anything up. So... is this soothing or more a diatribe on realizing why I have some make up work to do on this Soothing Sunday? I'm not sure, but maybe my experience will help you to stop and think about why you're not feeling so soothed lately. What commitments/replacements have you made when giving things up? I know I'm guilty of this myself, so I'm not accusing anyone. I'm simply examining my own conscience and found it lacking.
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