Welcome Back Wednesday!

The best laid plans of mice and men usually involve plans... and they go awry.  Mine certainly did.  I'm hoping I'm back... you see, I suffered a bit of a "dark night" the last week.  I moved from Awesome (the Godly focused definition) to awesome (the worldly focused definition).

For starters, I pulled a muscle in my neck leading to messing up my lower back (again).  It's hard to see/feel the Awesome when your sciatic nerve is so pinched your whole leg feels like it's asleep. Several things were in play to accomplish this level of awesome pain in my butt (quite literally):

• I assisted in the first grade classroom with a stiff neck.  Leaning over miniature sized table and chairs only leads to 2 things:  numb butts and strained lower backs
• I lost some weight... in my case, this shifted the pressure on my, admittedly, weak stomach, hip and knee muscles... so I've had to adjust my own expectations based on my body.  I have to realize that the full steam ahead for me might just look like B-52 bomber taking off, rather than a fighter jet.  [Ooh, just revealed my Air Force Brat roots there... but I tell you, I need to look more at the long term strategy-- and a B-52 is a strategic plane... a fighter jet, not so much]
• my son tackled me after I had JUST BEEN to the chiropractor.  He's a 5 ft tall ... very solidly built (deceptively so-- his weight is much higher than expected based on his body fat). 

Then, I started to let the doubt creep in.  Yes the evil, evil doubt. 

• Is anyone reading this?
• Does anyone care?
• I'm yelling at my kids while stuffing my face with chocolate creme oreos (that have been smeared with peanut butter)... who am I to claim awesomeness.

Then I realized (during my week long hiatus), that I set myself up quite a tough goal.  Blog every day for a year, all while maintaining or increasing my home and work duties.  Yes, the phrase, "Am I nuts?" creeped into mind.  So here's the deal, peeps.

I want to blog every day, but because I'm so busy being Awesome, that's just not going to happen all the time.  [Yes, I could write a week's worth of blogs and just schedule them to post, but where's the awesomeness in removing the reality of being a real person with real responsibilities?].  It all comes down to feeling obligated vs feeling inspired.  And by the end of January, I felt obligated. 

It's my belief that when you do things out of pure obligation, you lose the heart of the matter.  The LOVE of it is gone.  Yes, I am obligated to feed my children dinner.  The difference is I LOVE my children and this is a responsibility I chose to take on when I acted with/out of love in order to conceive them.  So that kind of obligation is different from "I really should do this because I arbitrarily set up this idea of being (worldly) awesome."  If I'm not feeling the fire of inspiration, I cannot light a spark within you as well.

So, I'm going to try to stick to my themes... but I may need to adjust things a bit.  So bear with me, because I'm bound to hit Awesome/awesome again. 

I just have to remember for myself that the Awesome is not in projecting perfection, but rather seeing the divine within myself and allowing that Awesomeness to shine through. 

Just for kicks and giggles, if you're reading the blog, please comment here and on Facebook-- it will motivate me to share more than if I don't know whether or not anyone really cares.  And showing the LOVE is part of being Awesome.

Oh, by the way, I hope  you like the slight redesign.  I, uh, wanted to change themes and kinda screwed up and then settled on this library type thing.  Yeah, it's not that original and a bit "canned tuna" but I'm a librarian.  Nothing  brings me more comfort than being around books.  So this actually felt more relaxing to me.  There you have it... an accidental Awesomeness.