Soothing Sunday #3

Ever feel like you're stuck in the mud?  I don't mean with a car... I mean, there's just one issue in your life that just won't move forward?  I do!

And it's hard to find anything soothing, when half the time, you're seething.  Really... and I'll be honest, it's the mouth on one of my kids that has me ready to head for the hills.  Literally... I want to escape from this child's presence because I'm not sure I can be calm much longer.  At one point today, I was so fed up, I wanted to call a divorce lawyer. 

If you know me, you know I'm completely and utterly not a proponent of divorce as a method of solving problems.  The reality is, I wanted out of the room, off the same floor, out of the same house, out of the same town away from my own kid.  If you've been a reader for even just a week, you know Family is super important to me.  So I hope you're getting that it's just that bad.  I did what any sane person would do... I just played possum.  Yep, I went limp: emotionally and physically.  If I didn't shut myself down, I was going to join my child in an outrageous display of how not to behave.  In fact, I played it so well... I actually fell asleep. 

Apparently, it's hard to keep arguing with a sleeping person, because now, said child is quietly reading a book next to me as though nothing happened.  I'm quite sure this is not the proper way to resolve things. I wonder if the thought went through this child's mind, "Oh, Crap!  I broke mom!"  I doubt it.  I doubt there was even a realization on conflict resolution or the fourth commandment (Honor thy mother and father.). 

It comes down to this... (and I rarely feel this way)... I can't wait for them to go to school on Monday, so I can relax for an hour... uninterrupted.  And I'm going to do it. 

I know, not exactly the most awesome sentiment I've posted for Soothing Sunday.  If you've been following my posts this week, they've been late since some stuff went down on Wednesday.  My whole week has been off since then.  In fact, considering the things I accomplished today, I'm pretty sure today was Super Saturday... maybe I'm off because of the holiday last Monday, maybe because of personal issues, maybe because my child seems to be affected by full moons/falling barometric pressure/rising barometric pressure/flowers blooming in South Africa/a monkey in a zoo somewhere eating a banana.  Either way, it doesn't matter... there's a lesson here. 

You have to find a place to carve out some peaceful time for yourself.  If you're one of those people who can refresh yourself with a cuppa tea (like I can most weeks), great!  But it's really okay if you're not.  You're still going to be awesome.  Why? Because being awesome is about acknowledging your own faults and shortcomings and praying for assistance.  And believe me, I have!

If you read Friday's post, I mentioned a book that a friend had returned.  And I feel this comes back to Soothing Sunday (after my whining intro above), because it's evidence.  Of what you might ask?  Well, I need to back up a bit further...

I'm doing a fairly intense bible study of Genesis.  It was supposed to be 6 weeks in Genesis and here we are, 15 weeks later just coming up on Chapter 26!  A little more slow, but my Bible Study leader and group have all extensively discussed, that we'd all rather drag our feet through the Word than gloss over it.  One of the things that's been niggling at my brain is... how much easier it would be to truly believe without any doubts or challenges coming in, if God was seemingly reaching his hand into my life as he does in the Old Testament.  In there he's just in everyone's lives and then in the New Testament, it's all Jesus.  But in our day and age, it can really feel like he's just not here... like we're just not "worth it."  After all, why would He hear my voice over all the others crying out to him? 

I'm not trying to challenge Him, really.  I'm trying to illustrate that there's a lot more junk getting in the way.  But when I pray (including a rosary for the intention of my son) and I ask people to pray for me and for the child referenced above, and I still feel lost.  I wonder... maybe I'm overreacting, maybe there's no soul in jeopardy, maybe I'm not really Awesome.  I gotta say, when my friend handed me that book, I was confused.  I didn't even remember reading the book at first. 

And slowly through the course of the evening on Friday, it occurred to me that God had indeed reached his hand into my life.  Would I have found or remembered that book if it were on the shelf in my "library"?  Probably not.  So he took it away from me, knowing I didn't need it and wasn't ready to hear it just yet.  I feel like he's leaned down and placed his hand on my shoulder to say, "I'm here and you have forgotten my Word.  Here you go... I've pulled out what you need right now. "

And as I wrap up this post and reach for my book,  with a notebook, pen and highlighter nearby, I truly feel soothed.

So when things don't go right in your world and it seems like you're lost and forgotten, you're not really.  What do you need to ask God to help you with right now?  What's stopping you from asking?  Do you think that you aren't worth his time?  If I am, you sure as heck are!  After all, we're Awesome in his eyes.