Gaining (or Maintaining) Respect

I know, you've been patiently waiting since  yesterday to learn more about the Awesome Campaign's RESPECT system.

I can basically boil all the problems in my house to issues with RESPECT:

• Col Awesome doesn't put away his laundry... I feel like he doesn't respect my time and effort.  (Yes, I' realize the flip is true, not putting away his laundry for him, doesn't respect all the hours he puts in at work... I'm guilty too!).
• The kids complain about cleaning up and having to put away other people's things and it doesn't acknowledge (respect) the work that Mom and Dad do to keep them in the sweet life.
• We go to the grocery store and the kids beg for junk and if they don't get it, they complain and fight the whole way through the store (do I really have to explain the level of disrespect that's going on here?).  

In a stroke of both desperation and genius, I was lying in bed the other morning and Aretha Franklin's "RESPECT" started going through my head.  So I pulled out some office supplies:

• printable business cards
• laminating pouches
• Pen
• wet erase marker

I created my new "RESPECT" cards and because I was in a hurry to implement my genius, pretty is not the word to describe the results... EFFECTIVE is, however.

So it's quite simple...
One side of the card is for maintaining and exceeding expectations in regards to respect; the other side is for RAMOTU (Ruler And Master of the Universe).

When my kids behave their card looks like it does in the top of the picture.  Nothing  marked off... a clean slate.  The card starts this way each day. When the kids fail to maintain reasonable behavior (mouth off, refuse to do chores, fight, etc), I take out the wet erase marker and mark off a letter (I chose wet erase because it would be harder for someone to rub off their letter or for anything to get rubbed off in my purse since this system is portable).  In order to get a letter back, the kids have to choose a chore from my "bin of shame."  The "bin of shame" is a small basket with little slips of paper with various unpleasant chores like: clean out mom or dad's car, match up all the socks and fold them, clean bathroom.  If you're less twisted than me... you can just call it a "fix it bin" for kids to fix their mistakes.

When the kids get along well and are helpful, then they can earn bonus stars. I decided to give my bonus stars a monetary value but you can handle it any way you want.  In my house:
1 star = $.10
2 stars= $.25
3 stars= $.50
4 stars= $.60
5 stars= $.75
6 stars= $1.00

I suppose you're wondering what RAMOTU is?  A good family friend uses this acronym when we play cards as a sign of who's winner.  It's a bit like the "Iron Chef" winner... the praise and glory of the people.  However, the kids said they wanted to be able to do whatever they wanted for a whole day.  Now, I have no problem rewarding one of my kids for being well-behaved or at least willingly makes up for their mistakes. So if/when the kids get 7 days of good behavior they get to let loose for a day as well as choose our lunch and dinner menu for the day.

I decided that it didn't matter to me if it was 7 days in a row or 7 days period, after all everyone has bad days.  Oddly enough, the kids have gotten a RAMOTU point 4 days in a row.

So I dunno if my system is making sense, but it's working.  

Breaking the Silence

I've been quiet for quite some time and with some good reason.  You see Lent kicked off a season of busy:

• I celebrated my Confirmation. 
• My daughter had her First Communion.
• My grandmother turned 85 and I got to go visit her in Europe for 12 days!

You can imagine that with a lot of big family events all routine and reason have gone out the window.  They have not only gone out the window, they've moved at least six states away from this family.  Now that school  is out, we're down to finishing up baseball season and a few summer camps...Thank GOD!  But it's also time to restore law and order because we're all less than awesome around here without it.

Lemme back up a bit... I discovered on my trip to Europe that my family can function quite well and peacefully without me.  It was a bit of a kudos... because now I can run away and live like a hobo in Key West.  On the flip side... they were quite peaceful and organized without me.  I realized, I got all the laundry caught up, planned meals, and the schedule before I left.  I left the house not in perfect condition, but in maintenance mode.  

When I returned from my trip, I landed smack dab in the middle of dance recital week and end of the school year craziness.  Jet lag combined with a busy schedule = law, order, peace, justice GONE. It was fly by the seat of my pants and hope we all got everywhere we need to be when we need to be there.  Well now that's all settled, so it's clear that I need to get things under control or by September 5th, it's going to be bye-bye to law, order, peace, justice and my sanity all at once.

Here are some things I noticed about my house (and maybe you have the same problems in yours?):

• My daughter is a direct descendant of Looney Toons' Taz... disasater follows her.
• My son doesn't make messes mostly because he's glued to (as my mother calls them) "an electronical device."
• When my house is super messy, I'm super, uh, CRABBY.
• It drives me nuts when I wash and fold the kids laundry and they throw it all over their rooms.
• I complain way too much.

 In my never-ending mission to continue to be awesome... I needed to do something about all this.  So here's the plan:

• My daughter is going to be held accountable for all her mess trails
• My son needs to have his love of electronical devices redirected to interacting with humans... even if he makes a little mess.
• Clean up the house, get some exercise, eat healthier = super AWESOME
• I'm not going to fold the kids laundry any more.
• I'm re-committing to the Awesomeness Campaign (i.e. complain less, praise more!)

It sounds pretty easy, right?...  Theoretically, it is easy, but try giving kids who'd rather be making messes and talking to Super Mario some guidance and that's when you get some Awesome Genius going.  We don't need more rules... we need more respect: for ourselves, our things, others... so that's what this summer is all about RESPECT.  Oh but more on that tomorrow... because I've got some bonding to do with my little girl.

Motivational Monday:Lenten Edition #2

I confess... yesterday's soothing did not go as planned.  In fact, it was like the minute I typed it up everything went awry.  The kids fought, the hubbie was moody, and I felt sullen and grouchy.  The laundry is still waiting for me and the book... well, I think I read about 3 sentences and then gave up.  It's apparently not a book I can read right now.

The question is, do I put aside the book and pick a new one, so I can keep motivated and with my commitments or do I slog through it just on principle alone?  I think, I will pick a new book (it's not like I don't have about 25 different books waiting in the wings for me to read-- and that's just the "Catholic Stash").  I'm not admitting defeat with this book, but recognizing that right now, there is too much going on for me to be able to sit and digest the information and apply it.  I may still read a few pages, but I'm going to refocus my efforts on something that sits better with my schedule.

Speaking of schedule... I've come to recognize my own schedule as a challenge to my motivation.  You see, there's too much on it and baseball season is right around the corner.  Two kids playing at two different levels on opposite days means baseball daily and sometimes dance as well.  It's time to get situated for the "long haul" that's ahead.  I'll be giving up some things once spring hits on my own schedule in order to be more available to my family and cut down on stress.

Lucky for me, some of my stuff will be "wrapping up" in the near future.  I've made a big decision to give up one activity for good.  I've figured out that activity is not a good fit for me.  I find myself anxious before and afterwards.  Sometimes I feel hurt by the experience as well, which is a sure sign it's not a good fit.  During a recent Bible Study group, I shared something with the group and saw my prayers for God to show me what direction to be going in my Faith answered.  Unfortunately, due to the "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" policy on personal sharing in Bible Study, I can't reveal any more details.  I did see God affirming my decision to leave this commitment when my time is up and to move forward to something else.

The message here is... when you lack motivation and direction, prayer actually does work.  I will say it doesn't work quickly, or rather in our desired time frame, but more slowly in God's timing.  I've been praying the same prayer for guidance every Sunday for at least a year and a half.  I can see now how clearly things lined up but at the time, I felt I was fumbling.  In reality it was like walking on a tiny path through high grass.  I could see directly in front of me and directly behind me, but not around me.  Now I feel as though I've walked into a clearing on a small hill.  I can see the path I've been along and thank goodness for the high grass to shield me from shying away. Now, I can see a clearer path before me just past some more high grass.  I'm sure there's more fumbling along tiny paths ahead of me, but now I'm very willing to trust that this path is God's path and not mine.

While I feel a little discouraged right now with having to finish out things that my heart knows I'm done with--  I made a commitment to others that I need to honor.  I also am seeing that there is something greater before me.  Knowing there is greatness before me motivates me and make what I'm experiencing now much easier to go through.

Soothing Sunday: The Second Sunday in Lent

Following along with last week's theme of having a Soothing Sunday focused on God.... I'm working on it.  It's been a crazy week and I need some soothing and focus back on my Lenten missions before going back to the "real world" tomorrow.

Presently, I'm goofing off a bit on the computer and watching the movie "Exodus" with my husband.  It's one of my favorite movies.  I first saw it in 8th grade social studies and the movie features Paul Newman (looking rather dreamy back in the 1960s) and is about the independence of Palestine from the British and becoming the Jewish state of Israel after World War II.  I have also read the book by Leon Uris.  It's a great story-- well done historical fiction.  It's not exactly a movie in line with watching movies like The Passion of the Christ or The Greatest Story Ever Told.  It does seem appropriate for Lent after all, Israel is the modern homeland of our Lord.  It also is a modern example of the rule of a foreign power-- for me, it makes understanding Israel at the time of the Romans more understandable.  I can understand the British Empire and modern Arabs and Israelis so much easier than the 2000+ years ago Roman Empire.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not launching into some kind of Arab-Israeli debate or political tirade about occupation... I'm simply saying the events portrayed in Exodus are easier for me to grasp and make the events in The Greatest Story Ever Told more accessible.

None the less... once this movie is over, I've got some laundry and reading to do.  I'm behind on my housekeeping because I worked and goofed off too much last week.  I'm also behind on my Lenten commitment to get through some books with solid Catholic teaching or Church history.  That's probably because I've picked up some big thick books that aren't easy to read.  The content is rich with information and I find myself floundering at times about what some terms mean-- the trips to grab my Catholic dictionary are getting more frequent.  My list of questions for my Confirmation sponsor and RCIA director is starting to grow.

The other hard thing is the reality of being distracted.  You'd think that giving up Facebook and gaining time in my day (I'm more efficient not checking all the time to see if something is happening in the world...I'm accepting that somethings definitely happening and I'm out of the loop and that is okay!).  In the evening, I find myself tired and in need of a "break." I've been justifying myself as not having been on Facebook so just a little computer game isn't too bad.  Hah... hours later, I'm no less relaxed, it's late and I've not accomplished a thing.  For someone who limits their children's game time, I'm doing a crap-tastic job of regulating myself.

So it seems, I have to give those up too.  After all the spirit of a Lenten sacrifice is not to take something else and use it as a replacement. For example, if you gave up your evening glass of wine and instead drink a daiquiri each day, you've really not given anything up.  So... is this soothing or more a diatribe on realizing why I have some make up work to do on this Soothing Sunday?  I'm not sure, but maybe my experience will help you to stop and think about why you're not feeling so soothed lately.  What commitments/replacements have you made when giving things up?  I know I'm guilty of this myself, so I'm not accusing anyone.  I'm simply examining my own conscience and found it lacking.

Web Wednesday: The Lenten Edition #1

Alright, alright! Technically, last Wednesday should have been the first Lenten edition, but I was too busy going to church and other things and avoiding food to even consider getting online.  The big danger was I'd end up on pinterest (or worse, Facebook) and start looking at food.  And the last thing a fasting person needs is pictures of food. [And I thought it rather cruel that our priest mentioned PRIME RIB during Ash Wednesday services... I still have a hankering for it!]

Things are still evolving here at Casa Awesomeness with regard to our Lenten decorations and activities.  I have to admit, now that I'm not on Facebook, I've replaced some of that distracted time with reading Catholic blogs and have found some fantastic inspiration.  No... you don't have to be Catholic to read the blogs... there's no blood test.  However, reading blogs from other Moms, regardless of denomination, is always inspiring to me.  So here are a few Web finds...

• Catholic Icing:  Almsgiving Lenten Idea for kids... and YES, I do now have an almsgiving box.  It's soo easy!
• Three-Sided Wheel:  Keeping Lent Holy::Lenten Mantel... and YES, I do now have a Lenten display (and no it's not the mantel, because my mantel is too skinny)!  I did not do the candles, either, since the we are doing Stations of the Cross at School each Friday in Lent.
• I'm kinda having fun this week surfing around Home Ec-101.  Why?  I dunno, maybe I can become the perfect housewife if I knew more about managing a home. That's my theory anyway... we wouldn't want to admit that going to bed at a reasonable hour might have something to do with why I'm tired ALL  day long, begging for a nap and avoiding housework because it seems like too much work (it's always a little humbling when I admit that it really only too 3 minutes to clean out the dishwasher when the mental dialogue to convince myself to do it took 45 minutes!).

I guess... those are my three choice "found on the web" websites this week.  Enjoy...

Tipster Tuesday: The Lenten Edition #1

If you didn't catch on, I gave up Facebook for Lent. It might not seem like much of a sacrifice to some people, but it is to me... and more importantly, it's been a huge distraction in my day.  I check on my computer, I feel compelled to respond immediately (never mind that if my doorbell rings unexpectedly and I don't feel like seeing someone, I just don't answer).  I look at my phone... I giggle at some stupid thing that happened to someone else and when I retell the story to my husband, he stares at me blankly.  I have actually told my kids, mind your own business, this is my Facebook page and it's none of your business.  Really, if it's on Facebook, it's apparently everyone's business.

I'll admit, the first day was difficult and I did start texting a friend random updates (she said it was okay).  I think I asked her how an egg wasn't meat when it becomes a chicken, after all if an embryo is a baby and egg must be part chicken?  I'm sure she was laughing at me... but I was kind of serious.

It's already gotten easier to resist.  I'm not thinking I need to "bean it out" anymore.  And I'm discovering I have more time than I thought.  This MUST be how I got more things done when my kids were little, I wasn't dinking with the computer all day long.  So in the event that you've enjoyed me on the Facebook fast... here are some alternatives.

From the Chicago Tribune: 10 Tips for Giving Up Facebook

• Although it does seem to mock something as simple seeming as giving up facebook, over a more significant vice... turns out the ones listed aren't things I do.  I did find their suggestions amusing.  I actually have written down my posts before and no I didn't give a %^$@# five minutes later.

Update the Catholic Gadget to your browser, so you can sink your teeth into all kinds of Catholic content when you get the urge to Facebook.  I've found some interesting suggestions.  And if you're not Catholic, under the concept of everything is on the Internet, I'm guessing your denomination has some kind of "gadget" or "widget" that does something similar... or just use Google.

Read a book... there are lots of them, but if you feel like you need to cling closer to God to resist temptation, read the Bible.

Call a friend who has also given up Facebook, chances are they have time too!

Alright, my friends, have an Awesome Tuesday!

Motivational Monday: The Lenten Edition #1

Today, I'm seeking motivation, like always. After all, it's always harder to get up out of bed on a Monday after an especially soothing Sunday.  And yesterday was especially soothing... I even did manage to get a nap in after our Lenten reading hour.

Today, I'm going to be focusing on serving my family:

• menu planning
• grocery list making
• grocery shopping
• working (paid)

I'm also going to focus on serving God:

• I have yet to read my Lent with the Saints book (it's in the bag with my bible study/RCIA stuff)
• Catching up/getting ahead on my bible study
• Taking care of my family, which of course is how I am called to serve on a daily basis

So as I set to my daily tasks and my extra tasks... how am I motivating myself?  By giving it up to God... or at least that's the plan.  A friend of mine always used to talk about "giving it up" and I never really understood until last Friday.  Why last Friday?  I attended Stations of the Cross with the school kids for the first time since I was a school kid.  

Oh, my word. No I can see why I have zero recollection of my experience as a child.  I'm going to assume because there was a lot of kneeling which for me as a child would have thrown me off-- I would have been figuring out when to do what and hoping I didn't screw up, so I'd be struck by lightening.  Attending Stations on Friday, something clicked.  I was going along with the assistance of one of the teachers, repeating the prayers, kneeling when I was supposed to, singing when I was supposed to... and for the first 3 stations, I was trying to figure things out.  For the next 3 stations, I was mentally bemoaning all the kneeling-- my back hurt and  my knees felt wobbly.  For the next 3 stations, I got really comfortable with the prayers and the motions of the stations.  For the next 3 stations, I was lost in the prayers...   And then somewhere around the 10th Station, something in my head clicked.   My RCIA director has said, either it's true or it's the biggest hoax.  Suddenly, I was filled with the sense that it was not a hoax... people had to have seen this happen. They would have known, even if some crazy people spread the word, how could this rumor persist across the ages.  [Go ahead, say I'm delusional... I'll be enjoying heaven someday... you can go be sorry for saying I'm delusional elsewhere.]  I was further lost in the rhythm and prayer. So much so I looked over my shoulder and was startled to find that Father was standing about 3 feet from me.  I realized I'd lost all sense of where I was until I saw him at the end of Station #14. I watched Father say and participate in the 15th Station of the Cross and felt this bizarre sense of awe at his reverence.  

Did I have an awakening?  I can't say... though in some of my reading about Lent and the New Evangelization of the Catholic Church, there was an Guide to Spiritual Makeover on the Our Sunday Visitor website, that talked about us needing to be evangelized ourselves in order evangelize others.  I think that's what happened... so I needed to share it with you.

My motivation today is simple... how can I complain about the mundane details of being a Mommy, when someone can willingly die on a cross.  And not just any someone, but the Word made Flesh, Jesus Christ. So when I feel like bemoaning my chores, I will give it up to God... not just to God but for God.  

Amen, I say to you, Amen.